I definitely empathize with that feeling. And there probably is a middle ground in my “two ways” theory, one that involves pursuing what you want to pursue, and then finidng somewhere in the middle of it an insight into how you feel about TFC or a way to approach the things you feel are wrong, and then bingo! Your baby is ready for an Anne Geddes photoshoot.

How I knew her name off the top of my head is a mystery to me.

Anyway, you’ll figure it out, and we’ll be here to cheer you on and give you support and read whatever it is you decide to write!

Your opinion means a lot to me; it isn’t crap. And I know that you’re right. I really do want to release something and I believe in The Fourth Channel. After I officially said I wasn’t going to release the book, the regret set in. Not at first but, a day or two later, there it was.

My fear is exactly as you say — that the book is an ugly three-eyed, twelve-toed baby and if people read it, they will never want to read another one of my books again. I have big fears about releasing something that isn’t perfect, which is unrealistic. I do know that. I don’t know if I’m ever going to want to stop fixing it, which is a problem. I’ve started looking at it in the same way as people who are addicted to plastic surgery — they get a nip here and a tuck there and a few botox injections. Maybe it improves a person’s outward appearance for a while. But if they keep going, they start looking like Jocelyn Wildenstein, the scary cat-face lady.

For all of my book’s warts, I don’t want it to look like the literary equivalent.

At some point, I have to give up making changes and fixes. Yet, I’m afraid to pour more time into this thing because I feel like I’m missing out on more projects. On the other hand, I can’t help but wonder: if I’m having such a hard time saying “enough fixes!” to this book, will I ever?

I don’t know what to do. I just don’t want to release this book and end up horribly embarrassed because my book is crappy.

Thanks Kendall! I had a great time writing it, so it means a lot to know you had fun.

As to the Fourth Channel…this is my opinion only, not advice, not remarkable insight, and not worth a crap, since I’m an idiot and anyone who listens to what I say is bound to be doing the wrong thing. But here goes anyway. I think there are two paths you can go. One is to put it away and let it sit there while you work on other projects. Maybe you get back to it, maybe you never do since the pressure of wanting it to be perfect never goes away and its faults magnify in your mind. The other option is to take a deep breath, say Hell With It, and unleash it on an unsuspecting world. It’s not perfect, maybe you aren’t perfectly happy with it, but it’s done. Finished. The weight of it is off your mind. It’ll probably be your worst novel ever, but most first novels are. Maybe over time, with it done and published and out, you can look back on it and say, you know, it isn’t nearly as flawed as I think it is. For me, I look at my first book and say, “Damn that’s an ugly baby.” But it is my baby, and I love every one of its twelve toes and three lazy eyes even as I wish it looked more like, well, human.

Just a thought, and not worth the time you took to read it. You know what’s best for you. I know you are an excellent writer. I don’t think of you as a horror writer, but a writer who can do horror and humor and cool complex characters involved in an engaging storyline. So I’ll be totally happy to read whatever it is you feel like writing. Especially Kirk vs. Pickard, because Kirk is the Awesomest and will noogie that bald-headed twerp, and the Skyrim post is bound to be awesome.

Oh, and I haven’t forgotten the whole Posse Anthology thing. This needs to happen someday. Just sayin’.

I eagerly await your battle of the starship captains post. 🙂

The Fourth Channel will always be near and dear to my heart however, I’m starting to think the opening of the book will take even more gutting than I originally thought. I’ve worked on this book a long time and I’ve decided enough is enough, you know? I want to move on and write something that I can share with the people I love. Maybe someday I’ll fix it up and share, but right now I’m looking ahead at stories I know I can finish and give you.